October 1'st

Yesterday was october the First
'October the first used to mean something to me. Oct 1st 2006 is when i said yes to a relationship that i believed would be up there with Bill and Camille or Lucy and Ricky. and to be honest, i loved that person like love would soon evaporate and i needed to give as much as possible before it turned into vapor. i made plans, remade plans and re-remade plans..just so i could think of us together. love is such a double edged sword. where does love end and stupidity begin? i don't even know. i love this kid. that's right. love as in present tense,ill always love him..but more for what he means to me than for who he is. I'm no longer in love with him. because i know what it would take take to make us work , and i know that he wouldn't see the need. and i couldnt settle.
so it is now October 1st 2008 and we have been apart for almost a year. time somehow goes fast in a very slow way. but i love time. because time allows growth. and while i thought id NEVER get over him fully, i have.
i used to compare every guy i met to him. i wouldn't let anyone get too close,because i still thought of him. sheesh..i was fucked up lol
imaboss
and i know now what i need from anyone that's going to be in my life. I'm a wonderful person. that is solidified. I'm an amazing friend. that's a fact. i don't need any insecurities in my life. i need someone who's going to let me be. allow me to shine,allow me to help them shine. i actually don't need a thing. that's whats preferred. I'm so happy with who is in my life now that.....anyone else can jump off a bridge if they don't like it.

lately I've been so happy, so giddy and smiley all the time. and its amazing..i haven't felt this way in a long while. i smile all the time. even when i know i don't have much to smile about. i have the most amazing person in my corner, he truly makes me happy. when i see him i swear my heart gets 10 pounds lighter. hes a friend that i think id die if i lost. i just want to hug him all day and keep him around forever...hes my panda bear..man i could go on....but point blank is, he fills a void in my life in a way that no one else can, because he just allows me to be me..i couldnt thank him more.